I am super shy, so I was nervous about Damon coaching me with 30 people watching, but my relationship with Damon spans some years. We’re both social justice organizers and we really connect as fathers of sons who had some health challenges. My middle son passed away from brain cancer. We’ve had some profound conversations about our sons. As black men, we know our children are in danger. They are here today and can be gone tomorrow.

Already connected, we started the coaching session by jumping into a deep intimate issue around being a father, being a black man and what that means.… Read more

Connection comes first. Nothing happens without connection. Fierce love and unconditional support build trust and a flourishing relationship. The coach and client share power equally. This relationship is a space for experimentation, alchemy and human evolution. In every moment, transformation is possible for both the client and the coach. In the space of deep connection, intuition blossoms for both the client and the coach.

The Three Levels of Coaching

At Leadership that Works, we support three levels of coaching:

Level One coaching supports transformation at the personal level.

• Creating a healthy relationship with self 
• Honoring internal wisdom and trusting intuition
• Moving from awareness to alignment to action

Level Two coaching supports transformation at both the personal and the interpersonal level.… Read more

Allow your work and your recreation to be one and the same… Serve others and cultivate yourself simultaneously… Understand that true growth comes from meeting and Solving the problems of life in a way that is Harmonizing to yourself and to others. —Lao Tzu

What are the ways we care for our mind, body and soul? How much meaning, inspiration and purpose do we want in our lives? How regularly do we exercise and take time for spiritual practices? How does diet support our optimal functioning?

Using a journal to reflect on our own self-care, we can ask:

How is our energy level?… Read more

Approval and disapproval: Instead of sharing your evaluation, reflect what matters.

Comparing yourself: Instead of thinking about who is smarter or how your experience is different, or what you would have done, stay focused on the uniqueness of your client’s experience.

Evaluating or analyzing: Instead of interpreting or psychoanalyzing, reflect the content or the emotions and needs.

Ignoring nonverbal cues: Listen to the essence of the content, but also name the body language, tone of voice, rate of speech and energetic cues.

Jargon: If you notice you’re using words and phrases that your client wouldn’t use in a casual conversation, that’s a sign you’re using jargon.… Read more

One of the ways to access our commitment and energy is to develop what we call the coach’s stand. By that, we mean a solid foundation from which we coach and a courageous, empowered attitude that inspires clients. The coach’s stand is a set of physical, mental and spiritual qualities that we embody when we coach. As we stand in our power, we call your clients to step into their own power.

We divide the coach’s stand into three parts:

Physical stand or movement

Metaphor for the coaching relationship

Commitment to what we care about

Physical

Our energy and impact in the world are affected by our physical being.… Read more

“In my early professional years I was asking the question: How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?” – Carl Rogers

Extensive studies in psychotherapy have shown that the most important predictor of client outcome is the therapist-client relationship, as experienced by the client. Studies from the last couple of decades confirm that the Importance of the relationship applies to coaching as well.

Even though we put effort into learning the CFT skills and pathways, they merely serve as a scaffold for building and deepening the relationship.… Read more

With so many options, what do coaches look for and where do we focus?

Key Words—The first words spoken can be very revealing, so pay attention to the very first things said. When phrases are repeated, pick them up and get curious. Notice which words have energy behind them.

Yearning—In every moment, we listen for what the client wants. Even if they continuously talk about what they don’t want, or what’s not working, we can listen for what they do want.

What’s Not Said—Focus on what the client is protecting. Sometimes they’ll come right out and say, “I don’t want to talk about my loss,” an indication they are protecting something of value.Other… Read more

The main difference between a request and a challenge is that clients generally say yes to our requests, but take a moment to catch their breath before responding to a challenge. In both cases, we listen deeply to what’s important to the client, and base our requests on helping them move toward a more desirable future. Free of demand, we ask clients to take action, but we’re open to hearing yes, no, or a counteroffer.

Both requests and challenges are for the benefit of the client, not for the benefit of the coach. In the wider world, we make requests that benefit ourselves all the time.… Read more

Our role is to support our client’s agenda. How do we do that? What is the client’s agenda?

Asking what our clients want coaching on puts the ball in their court and allows them to reflect on and speak about what they want. Their answer is often the tip of the iceberg.

For example, a client wanted to know how to proceed with an important meeting. She wanted more clarity about what she wanted to say, how she wanted to prepare and what she wanted to have happen in the meeting. That’s her “presenting agenda” and a goal for the coaching session.… Read more

Calling out the power refers to the ways we engage with clients to move them toward stepping into their creativity, wholeness and sense of possibility. We support transformation when we help clients explore their deepest desires before solving immediate problems. Their natural power awakens and grows when they connect with the wisdom of their bodies, their emotions and their intuitive knowing. They naturally evolve from connecting to their own needs and desires, to discovering what’s needed in the world.

Once clients are connected to their power, they perceive, choose and act in ways that are productive for themselves and for all.… Read more