Category Archives: Uncategorized

A few years ago, I was reviewing a recording of a session led by one of my supervisees, a group facilitator. During a moment of conflict between Kelly, a cisgender white woman, and Yian, a Chinese transgender man, I noticed something striking. My supervisee approached Kelly with a lot of empathy, offering support to help her unpack what was happening for her emotionally. Eventually, she did reach out to Yian, but instead of engaging with him directly, she quickly invited the group to interact with him, seeking their input.

When I pointed this out to my supervisee and invited her to reflect on her approach, she shared an honest realization: *“Maybe parts of me don’t know how to relate to Yian.… Read more

As a top performer in her organization, Priya was the go-to person for solving complex problems. Her colleagues admired her work ethic, and her boss often praised her in meetings. But when it came to promotions or recognition for major projects, she often found herself overlooked.

“I don’t get it,” she said during one of our sessions. “I know I’m good at what I do, and I know people like me. But I feel invisible when it really matters. Sometimes I feel like confronting my boss and colleagues but I worry that would ruin the relationships I’ve worked so hard to build.”… Read more

Sara (name changed), a woman in her early 30s, walked into my clinic wearing a hijab. Without realizing it, I found myself anticipating themes of restriction—perhaps she would talk about feeling torn between duty and independence or about wanting to push back against certain norms.

Yet, as Sara spoke, her words didn’t fit the narrative I had unconsciously constructed. She described her love for her work, her global travels, her financial independence, and her deep engagement with philosophy and art. She spoke about feeling too privileged at times, not restricted.

As she spoke, I noticed something within me—an almost imperceptible disappointment.… Read more

There was a time in my life when 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗹. Whenever I faced uncertainty—whether it was about my career, a difficult relationship, or even a major life choice—I would panic. And my instinctive response? 𝗧𝘂𝗿𝗻 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱.

When I struggled with a tough professional decision, I listened to someone more experienced.
When I was unsure in relationships, I did what others assured me was the right thing.
When I doubted my instincts, I leaned on those who seemed to have certainty.

Their guidance often solved the immediate problem. But slowly, something deeper began to take root—self-doubt!… Read more

A client once shared a haunting fantasy with me. She imagined her husband dying—an event she dreaded in real life, yet found herself strangely drawn to in her mind. She would spend hours crying over this imagined loss, embarrassed by the intensity of her own feelings. In the fantasy, she saw herself surrounded by family and friends who were offering her sympathy and worrying about her future. And though she loved her husband deeply, she couldn’t stop indulging in this vision.

One day, I asked her: “𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗮𝘀𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗶𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲?”… Read more

The other day, I had a conversation with my son that stopped me in my tracks. He was talking about his Global Studies research project, and the researcher in me couldn’t help but notice flaws in his design. Naturally, I started offering suggestions.

That’s when I saw the smirk on his face and asked, “What’s going on?”

He responded, “Maa, I know you are a PhD student and probably know a lot more about research than I do, but I don’t want your help. Even if my research design is rubbish, it’s okay. What’s the worst that can happen? My teacher will reject my work and ask me to resubmit, right?… Read more

Vikram had built his logistics company from scratch. Through every struggle, one person had stood by him—Manish, his childhood friend and CFO. They had started the company together, built it side by side.

Then, Vikram discovered the truth. Manish had been mismanaging funds. Not outright theft, but reckless investments, hidden debts, and financial miscalculations that had put the company on the edge of collapse.

The board demanded action. Investors wanted accountability. Employees were already whispering.

Vikram faced a ‘𝗱𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗺𝘀𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗮𝘁’, a Sanskrit word that symbolises a moral dilemma where both choices carried irreversible consequences.

𝗙𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵.
It would restore confidence in the company.… Read more

Born in a Gujarati family, I grew up with a deeply ingrained belief that anger should always be subdued and emotions tempered by endless empathy. As a child, I witnessed my mother holding back her truth, waiting patiently for others to be ready to listen before she ever dared to speak her mind. I remember getting really angry with my mother for tolerating domineering behavior of the men in the household. I would often tell her – “I am never going to be like you – I will always stand up for my rights and speak my mind. I never realized that beneath my adolescent bravado, my mind was quietly absorbing a cultural lesson: 𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻, 𝗺𝘆 𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝘄—𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗳 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝘆 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲.… Read more

“𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘦.”
“𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥’𝘷𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳.”
“𝘈𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦?”
“𝘈𝘯𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴.”

These are the kinds of comments I get when the self-righteous stance prevails in 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗽𝘆.

Two people standing opposite each other, each utterly convinced they are the wronged one.
Each convinced that their anger is justified.
Each waiting for me to at last say, “You’re right. He/she is the issue.”

These statements come from a familiar place: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗲𝘁. 𝗜𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗳𝘂𝗹… 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘀, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗴𝗲𝘀.

Here’s why it’s so seductive:

We judge ourselves from the inside — based on intentions, stress, and private battles.… Read more

A 25-year-old client said this to me, exasperated. They were explaining a familiar cycle in their relationships—either being in charge or simply vanishing, hoping someone would come and find them.

I asked, “And what do you receive from being the queen?”
They shrugged. “𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁. 𝗜 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼𝗽.”

“And the orphan?”
“𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 – 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗰𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲.”

I hesitated and spoke softly,
“What if both positions are about power—but in different costumes?”
“Meaning?” They asked
“𝗢𝗻𝗲 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗴𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆.… Read more