By Anisha Pandya | Authentic Communication Groups

I feel a mixture of both excitement and trepidation as I share that my article, titled “Murdered Vagina and Lynched Pride – Reflections on Working with Victims of Gang Rape,” has been published by Routledge.

This work represents some of the most vulnerable and challenging experiences I have encountered as a psychotherapist. In this paper, I present two psychotherapy case studies of women who have survived gang rape. These cases serve as examples of what I call “secret garden work”—deep, transformative therapy focused on reclaiming female power, desire, and sexuality in the aftermath of sexual violence.… Read more

Here’s a short version of a group interaction.

Katherine: Angie, when you corrected Ying’s grammar, I felt a wave of nausea. It made me wonder—do you believe the way you speak is superior? Grammar rules uphold class hierarchy. So when you insist on speaking “properly,” I’m curious—what does that give you?

Angie: I never thought about it before. It’s just a habit. My mother drilled it into me.

Ying: I like to know grammar. Please correct me.

Katherine: Grammar is a form of social signaling. The way we speak marks us—education, status, intelligence. But let’s be real—who decided what’s “proper”? Enforcing those rules reinforces stereotypes about who’s competent, who’s credible, who’s worth listening to.… Read more

A guy I admire for his tenderness and care, was shaken because a dear friend started treating him like “just another white guy.” He felt concerned about a Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion initiative that the friend had initiated. He was hurting. He wanted mutual acknowledgment of their deep long-term friendship. He didn’t want to oppose the initiative, until she dismissed his suggestion to call the initiative “Belonging.” This left me thinking something deeper was at play. I wondered: How often does personal hurt, even when it’s unintentional, derail broader conversations about systemic change?

We don’t get anywhere by keeping quiet—but if the way we name oppression shuts people down, we’ve already lost the conversation.… Read more

By Martha Lasley

Decision-making is a rigorous, liberating, spiritual practice. At the heart of participatory decision-making process is full empowerment for everybody.

As a group searches for a solution that meets the most needs, one way to facilitate the process that honors both individual autonomy and group collaboration is for all participants to determine their preferences privately, silently, and then share them aloud in turn.

As facilitators, we keep it light, easy, and playful, but we don’t avoid the first crucial step of determining personal preference. In this way, we continuously discover where each person stands.

This process keeps our relationships clean, creative and respectful, by avoiding collusion, control, or going along with the majority.… Read more

This process is adapted with gratitude from the work of many practitioners: Marshall Rosenberg, Susan Skye, Robert Gonzalez, and Meganwind Eoyang.

1. Describe the stimulus of my distress
   1. What triggers me? 
   2. Describe the moment I first felt pain.
   3. What am I seeing, hearing, smelling, etc?
2. Express my reaction
   1. What am I telling myself? 
   2. What is my judgment of others or myself? 
   3. Voice all the judgments until I have clarity about my core belief or deepest judgment.
3. Scan my body
   1. Sense my body from the inside and experience the wisdom of the body.
   2. What physical sensations do I notice?
   3. Notice any desires in the body – for attention, expression, or movement. 

… Read more

1. Diagnosis: including evaluations, analysis, criticisms, comparisons, projections, labels, moralistic judgements (ideas of rightness/wrongness, goodness/badness, diligence/laziness, appropriateness/inappropriateness, etc).  In using communications similar to the above, we are using static language to diagnose who we think people are instead of communicating what is important to us.  Such language increases the likelihood of defensiveness, argument or returned criticism and lessens the likelihood of understanding and connection.

2. Denial of Responsibility: including words like “should”, “ought” “must” “can’t” “have to”, attributing the choices we make to “company policy” or “superiors orders”, or attributing the cause of our feelings to other people or extrinsic situations (“You make me feel frustrated!”).

… Read more

By Gary Baran & CNVC

1. Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how you would like to relate
   to yourself and others.
2. Remember that all human beings have the same needs.
3. Check your intention to see if you are as interested in others getting their
   needs met as your own.
4. When asking someone to do something, check first to see if you are making a
   request or a demand.
5. Instead of saying what you DON’T want someone to do, say what you DO want
   the person to do.
6. Instead of saying what you want someone to BE, say what action you’d like
   the person to take that you hope will help the person be that way.

… Read more

Couples coaching is no picnic. After infidelity, the most common reasons that couples seek coaching are conflicts about money, communication, and sex. Major life events such as getting married, having a child, moving to a new home, or starting a new job, are also major reasons that couples seek coaching. 

How many couples come to coaching to tune up their marriage, revisit their vision, or celebrate their partnership? It’s rare. You start working with a coach because you’re in trouble. If you could fix your relationship yourselves, you would have done so already. Nonviolent communication for couples helps you deepen intimacy, build trust and cultivate radical compassion.… Read more

“Bringing IFS into coaching is one of the most exciting and needed applications taking place right now.” – Richard Schwartz, creator of Internal Family Systems

The problem with many coaching models is that coaches are taught to sideline, or even eliminate parts of the psyche, especially if those parts are blocking or resisting progress toward your goals. 

Since parts cannot be eliminated, this type of shaming leaves clients conflicted as they struggle to transform unwanted behaviors. Instead of going to war with your saboteur or marginalizing resistant parts, IFS coaching respects each part and supports whole system alignment so that desired change initiatives and radical authenticity emerge.… Read more

– by Martha Lasley

One of the things we do in an authentic communication group is to interact in the relational space in the present moment. We call this level 4. Let’s look at all four levels of interaction.

Level 1 is chit chat and requires very little listening. We talk about the weather, what we saw on the news, where we went on vacation. This is the opposite of “here and now” and known as “there and then”. There is nothing wrong with level one or any other level. They are not good or bad. Many times, chit chat warms us up so that we can go deeper into the next level  And occasionally we go too deep too fast, and a part finds that unsafe, “takes a flight” back to level one with a joke or some other banter.… Read more