Nonviolent Communication for Couples

Couples coaching is no picnic. After infidelity, the most common reasons that couples seek coaching are conflicts about money, communication, and sex. Major life events such as getting married, having a child, moving to a new home, or starting a new job, are also major reasons that couples seek coaching. 

How many couples come to coaching to tune up their marriage, revisit their vision, or celebrate their partnership? It’s rare. You start working with a coach because you’re in trouble. If you could fix your relationship yourselves, you would have done so already. Nonviolent communication for couples helps you deepen intimacy, build trust and cultivate radical compassion.

When you’re triggered, whether parts of you are hot or cold, angry or distant, listening to each other can be a challenge. Sometimes listening isn’t even an option because every cell in your body is craving understanding for your emotional pain. That’s where Nonviolent Communication for couples comes in. It’s the most reliable way I have found to rebuild the connection. When people feel seen, heard and understood, that’s a game-changer.

So how do you deepen your relationship with your partner and create space for authentic emotional connection without pointing fingers? Instead of blaming, criticizing, or demanding that they change, you can learn to empathize with your inner voices, and listen deeply as your partner expresses their vulnerability.

To deepen authentic communication we rely on these 4 pathways to liberation:

  1. Nonviolent Communication
  2. Internal Family Systems
  3. Diversity, Equity and Inclusion
  4. Here and Now Process Work

In this piece let’s explore Nonviolent Communication which is particularly helpful if you are in conflict. To transform judgment, nonviolent communication can support you and your partner to be more empathic and more real. 

Starting by being fully present, you can use the tools and consciousness of Nonviolent Communication.  First, empathize with your own vulnerable parts. This may sound counterintuitive, but focusing on yourself first is vital. it can be nearly impossible to empathize with others when you are under-resourced or operating from an empathy deficit. The process of going into your inner world can then support you to listen to your partner. The NVC practice is to get clarity about observations, feelings, needs and requests. But more important than the structure is opening your hearts to each other. Empathy serves as a balm for undefended hearts. For more knowledge, you can join our Nonviolent Communication Course Online.

A Nonviolent Communication coach creates a container for couples to hold each other with tenderness, empathy and courage. Together you can unlearn the patterns that sabotage your relationship, support each other’s nervous system to heal and co-create agreements that excite both of you. With the support of your NVC couples coach, you can co-create the relationship you’ve always wanted. 

For more articles like this one, check out the Authentic Communication Group where you can learn to integrate the four pillars of Authentic Communication: Nonviolent Communication; Internal Family Systems; Diversity, Equity & Inclusion;and Here and Now Process Work.