Making Friends with Your Inner Judge
- What makes you difficult? What do you DO that stimulates you to think of yourself as difficult?
- What does your inner JUDGE say about your actions?
- What are your feelings connected to each judgment?
- What are your unmet needs connected to each judgment?
1. Action: I chose to co-facilitate with someone who did not have the competencies I expected.
| 2. Inner Judge: | 3. Feelings | 4. Needs |
| I’m so stupid, could ruin my reputation | disappointed | recognition |
| I’ve never been wrong about people before | shocked | trust my intuition |
| I was duped by his on-line articulation | bewildered | careful choice |
Making Friends with Your Inner Chooser
- Think again about what you DO that stimulates you to think of yourself as difficult.
- What does your inner CHOOSER say about your actions?
- What feelings are connected to the choices you made?
- What needs are met by the choices you made?
1. Action: I chose to co-facilitate with someone who did not have the competencies I expected.
| 2. Inner Chooser: | 3. Feelings | 4. Needs |
| I am spontaneous and open | self-love | growth |
| I love an intellectual challenge | stimulation | integrating heart & head |
What requests can you make of yourself to integrate the needs of your inner JUDGE and the needs of your inner CHOOSER?
Give myself more spaciousness to make mistakes and recover, still meeting needs of clients and myself. Seek intellectual stimulation with people who also are deeply heart connected. Dealing With Difficult People, Understanding Another
Making Friends with Your Outer Judge
- What makes this person difficult? What does s/he/they DO that stimulates you to think of him/her as difficult?
- What does your inner JUDGE (jackal) say about his/her/their actions?
- What are your feelings connected to each judgment?
- What are your unmet needs connected to each judgment?
1. Action: He offered little substantive value, repeated everything three times, and sulked when I gave him feedback.
| 2. Judge: | 3. Feelings | 4. Needs |
| He has no heart connection | appalled | congruence |
| He lacks understanding of basic group dynamics | disturbed | alignment, shared understanding of client needs |
| He doesn’t even know that birthday parties are not for networking | angry | consideration |
Making Friends with Another’s Inner Chooser
- How does the other person view his/her/their actions?
- What could his/her/their inner CHOOSER be saying about those choices?
- What might this person be feeling?
- What needs is this person trying to meet by the choices he/she/they made?
1. Action: I offered my expertise, re-articulated things when I thought people needed more clarity, and held back when I got feedback that my contributions weren’t valued.
| 2. Chooser: | 3. Feelings | 4. Needs |
| I’m smart to partner with someone so skilled | Excited | Learning |
| What a great opportunity to network at the party | Thrilled | Opportunity for more collaboration |
| I say things 3 different ways so people will get it | Confident | Making a contribution |
| I stopped talking because she didn’t value my contribution | Sad, hurt | More ease with self expression |
What requests can you make of him/her/them to integrate your needs and his/her/their needs? Would you be willing to have a discussion about unmet needs?
Dealing With Difficult People, Starting with Yourself – Worksheet
Making Friends with Your Inner Judge
- What makes you difficult? What do you DO that stimulates you to think of yourself as difficult?
- What does your inner JUDGE say about your actions?
- What are your feelings connected to each judgment?
- What are your unmet needs connected to each judgment?
1. Action: _________________________________________________________________
| 2. Inner Judge: | 3. Feelings | 4. Needs |
Making Friends with Your Inner Chooser
- Think again about what you DO that stimulates you to think of yourself as difficult.
- What does your inner CHOOSER say about your actions?
- What feelings are connected to the choices you made?
- What needs are met by the choices you made?
1. Action: _________________________________________________________________
| 2. Inner Chooser: | 3. Feelings | 4. Needs |
What requests can you make of yourself to integrate the needs of your inner JUDGE and the needs of your inner CHOOSER? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dealing With Difficult People, Understanding Another – Worksheet
Making Friends with Your Outer Judge
- What makes this person difficult? What does s/he/they DO that stimulates you to think of him/her/them as difficult?
- What does your inner JUDGE (jackal) say about his/her/their actions?
- What are your feelings connected to each judgment?
- What are your unmet needs connected to each judgment?
1. Action: _________________________________________________________________
| 2. Inner Judge: | 3. Feelings | 4. Needs |
- What makes this person difficult? What does s/he/they DO that stimulates you to think of him/her/them as difficult?
- What does your inner JUDGE (jackal) say about his/her/their actions?
- What are your feelings connected to each judgment?
- What are your unmet needs connected to each judgment?
Making Friends with Another’s Inner Chooser
- How does the other person view his/her/their actions?
- What could his/her/their inner CHOOSER be saying about those choices?
- What might this person be feeling?
- What needs is this person trying to meet by the choices he/she/they made?
1. Action: _________________________________________________________________
| 2. Inner Chooser: | 3. Feelings | 4. Needs |
What requests can you make of him/her/them to integrate your needs and his/her/their needs? _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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