This process is developed by Sarah Peyton and Susan Skye, both CNVC-trainers, and adapted by Pernille Plantener.

Make sure to practice the process several times with a peer both ways before offering it to clients. Respect hesitation and reluctance as an expression of protectors stepping in. Remember: Protectors are there for a reason and respecting them is respecting the client and the whole system.

This outline does NOT equip you to work with clients who experience severe childhood trauma. We encourage you to check your gut feeling as you engage in this process. Both coach and client can step out at any moment.… Read more

By Jay Earley, PhD
with NVC empathic responses by Pernille Plantener.

The empathy guesses in Italics are suggestions for how to empathize with the critic itself, the exile it is protecting, and the opposite of the critic, which often enters the scene in defense when the critic is harsh.

In our study of the Inner Critic, we have identified the following seven types of Inner Critics that people are troubled by:

Perfectionist
This critic tries to get you to do things perfectly.
It sets high standards for the things you produce and has difficulty saying something is complete and letting it go out to represent you.… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

Sometimes we refer to parts as energies. In seeking the gift that each part brings, we put our attention on their energy, which can reveal their underlying purpose. Even if a part is frustrated, angry or hurt, underneath is the life force. When we feel the core of the anger or pain, we fully accept the emotions and create space for the fullness of their expression.

At the center of longing is pure energy. Connect with that pure energy and the heavens open. Just sitting with the pure energy of a part can be a deeply satisfying, mystical experience.… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

Listening to parts is usually very simple as long as we hold respect. Perhaps the trickiest part of the process is noticing when a new part comes into the system. But how do we know if it’s the same part or a different part? The telltale sign is a shift in emotion or energy. The body or the voice might shift too. When a part expresses a radical change in its belief or shifts to holding a new set of values, that’s usually a sign that another part has decided to speak.

If the Strict Parent part suddenly says, “Well maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to give the children more freedom to make their own choices and mistakes,” that’s not the Strict Parent part having an epiphany, it’s the Lenient Parent wanting to be heard.… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

Instead of talking about the parts, we talk about the parts. We invite parts to speak for themselves, to share their viewpoint, feelings, and needs in their own words. Parts express surprise and delight when they finally get a chance to speak. Even more important, when they learn that the client is truly eager to listen—that’s where the healing begins.

Just like people, parts want to be known and appreciated. Thanking these parts for their service goes a long way toward helping them feel valued.

Many parts will speak of their own accord without much prompting.… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

One of the ways clients can continue to work with parts is to ask them to practice Active Imagination as homework. Active Imagination is a Jungian technique developed to help people interpret their dreams. Like writing a play, we write a script, speaking with a part that appeared in our dream or in our psyche. In writing, we ask the part why it has appeared now. Then, imagining we are the part, we include the part’s response in the script, and continue the dialog by asking curious questions such as: What is your role? What do you do?… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

Most parts do not want or need to be transformed. They just need to be heard. Once clients integrate the information from multiple parts, they can make informed decisions about what changes they wish to make.

Above all else, parts need to be loved exactly as they are. If they get a hint that we are trying to change them, they interpret that as judgment, and rightly so. Coaches can get into trouble if we imply there is anything wrong with the part. One whiff of that and the part feels misunderstood and loses trust.… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

Prepare for the session

1) Take a moment to self-connect, remember your coach’s stand and set your intention to serve your client.

2) Connect with your client.

3) Get clear about your client’s intention for the session.

4) Explain the purpose of Embracing the Shadow—to create space for parts to be acknowledged.

5) Ensure that your client is ready to begin.

Begin the session

1) Identify a part that would like to be understood more fully.

2) Get permission from the protectors to talk to the part.

3) Ask the client to move to a new place in the room to embody that part.… Read more

Originally published in Coaching for Transformation

Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” The same is true about accepting parts. Instead of admonishing or fighting against an internal oppressor, if we simply witness and accept the oppressors’ beliefs and emotions, we move closer to a mindful state that helps parts relax.

If we’re part of a marginalized group and we experience prejudice, we often internalize oppression over time. Consciously or unconsciously, a part of us believes in the stereotypes and holds an oppressive view toward our identity group, whether we’re a person of color, a woman, LGBTQQ, working class or survivors of other social constructs.… Read more

Originally published in  Coaching for Transformation

At the center of the psyche is the Self, which is compassionate and wise. The Self integrates the work of the parts as they help us to cope, deal with difficulties or protect us from pain. The Self is not a part; it acts as a witness or a conductor who becomes increasingly aware of parts and can bring all parts into alignment. The Self sits in the seat of benevolent sovereignty. When the coach helps the client separate parts from the Self and listens to each other, it creates opportunities for choice that benefit the whole system.… Read more