The Pause That Refreshes

How to Know if You are Connected to Your Client

Ask yourself:

• How many times have your clients connected back voluntarily?

• How many times did somebody tell you that “I want these sessions to never end because I feel good in these sessions”?

• How many times have your client called you just like that to share or take suggestions?

• Apart from the coaching sessions, how many times have your client made a phone call to you when they faced a downturn?

• How many times have you guided your client over the phone without charging them for that conversation just because that conversation was crucial for him and money is not everything for you?

What are the perspectives generated through these questions? Can you resonate with any of them? If not, maybe get coached to find some answers as they can be very crucial from a long term relationship perspective.

Benefits of Connection and Acceptance

Forming an emotional connection and truly accepting your client is extremely difficult; but that takes you to places. The client is not only the client; he is your ambassador, and the way you will make him feel will decide how much he would recommend you to others. Coaching as an industry works best with word of mouth and hence it is very important to have your heart with the client. If you are with them in their journey, they will be with you in your journey. Stay with your clients so that they can stay with you. Hope you don’t take this as a strategy because it is not, if you are not genuinely connected and interested in the coaching relationship, it would show up and there would be nothing worse than that. It needs a huge amount of emotional connection, acceptance, kindness, feeling of deep care and concern coming from within. You need to be genuinely caring towards your clients and o be involved in their goals.

Role of Acceptance

I am sure we all agree that the whole reason why we have coaching as a “hot profession” is because of the speed of lifestyle which is making people vulnerable. Everybody today has the need to be heard and accepted. while the acceptance could be from family, relatives, or career or professional peers, seniors, profession or friends, or spouses or maybe even ourselves. The acceptor could be anybody, but the urge for acceptance exists in everybody who breathes. When we work towards our goals, we strive towards our acceptance to ourselves in that goal. If you see from this perspective, Self-awareness itself is a form of acceptance of ourselves. When you start the journey of self-awareness, you start with acknowledging good things residing in you, then you move deeper to find more goodness and potential within you, then you recognize them and finally accept them to stay happy. The same works with the client, if you have accepted your client whole heartily without judgment and with a lot of care, you have made a place in their heart to move forward and to help them achieve what they are set for.

Ask yourself:

• How many times has it happened to you that after one or few sessions, you didn’t feel like talking to a client and continued the sessions just because only the client was interested?

• Were you present with your mind and heart in that conversation?

• How many clients just had one or just a few sessions with you and ended the coaching sessions with you by giving some excuse of time and schedules and then never came back?

The reason could be that they couldn’t connect with you in some of the initial conversations. And let me submit that it has happened to me also. I am sure that it happens with everybody during some point in time in our coaching career. If you reflect on this, then you can start devoting your efforts to build connection in the first few sessions. Start being with the client and start making the relationship with genuine care and genuine concern. It is a very deep level of acceptance, which makes the client feel acknowledged for what they are and that acceptance makes the relationship strong.

In our coaching engagements, we model and may even teach the power of pause…. a purposeful use of silence and focused listening gives us and our clients time to slow down and hear our inner voice. Even our coaching conversations are structured as a way for our clients to have the opportunity to say what they might not have said, to see things in a new manner, and to say it all out loud to a caring listener…their coach.

Sometimes, we, as a professional listener, facilitator, coach, need to recharge our batteries with a scheduled and purposeful pause. I do that with morning meditations, walks in nature, music, or writing.

And in my life, I have needed to do a Purposeful Pause away from my normal routines and do something truly out of the ordinary.

Big Pauses

At age 27, I did a 21 day Outward Bound course in Canyonlands National Park in Utah….away from TV, radio, news and with basic survival food and water that was carried or water holes that were found that had to have iodine drops to cleanse the water for drinking. 21 days of hiking, rappelling, rock-climbing, beans and rice and dried fruit and veggies, map reading, sleeping in the open or in caves, and a 3-day solo at the end, with no communication with anyone. (I did have conversations with birds and squirrels). That was a pause that is deeply embedded in my soul to this day.

In 1996 at age 46, I volunteered to go on a friend’s 42 foot long motor yacht from Florida to St Thomas in the US Virgin Islands for the adventure. I had never been on the open seas before and really had no idea what I was volunteering to do. But I trusted my friend and his skills. That trip also shook up my world. Sea sick the first 4 days, I was not much help on board, but Gerry was kind enough to let me sleep and get balanced until I could be more helpful on board. The trip was 17 days and included beautiful sites, island people, and also horrific storms and rough seas at times, but it was a very memorable adventure and one that added new chapters to my life story and my personal evolution.

Then in 2007, at age 57, I went on a 17-day adventure safari in Tanzania with 10 men to explore the beauty and diversity of flora and fauna, and traveled with tribesmen from the Hadzabe who are the only original hunter-gatherer tribes in the world. We also learned about two other tribal cultures including the Maasai people and their way of life. This experience was called an Inventure, as we had an outward adventure in an exciting terrain, but we explored our inner terrain with nightly fireside chats and reflections on how we were being affected by this ancient landscape, and the wild animals we traveled amongst on the trek.

My latest in Inventure was just recently, (age 64) as I was invited to participate in a retreat called Points of Inspiration with 16 people from 13 countries in Israel. Most of us were trainers in a method called Points of You ™, a coaching and communication game with photograph cards and methods to relate a picture with a new point of view for any part of your life or work. Our first three days were in the desert in South Israel in Sukkahs, very primitive huts in the desert with no running water and vegetarian food for the 3 days. The first two days were to be in silence (except when we were in group meetings with some limited sharing). We all did deep personal exploration of our life direction, our place in the world, our purpose for being, and our connection to our new ‘friends’ from all over the world. The final 3 days were spent in Jerusalem exploring our inner self some more in group activities, but also including seeing the holy sites of the Christians, the Jews, and the Muslim religions, giving us what I called purposeful touring for different points of view. This experience was another eye opening experience, and one that opened my heart and spirit to new viewpoints and new ways to bring my learning back with me to my present life.

I could never relate the details of any of these trips and how they translated my inner world, with such powerful pauses from my usual world. But they changed me, in ways that would not have happened by just doing my routine at home. That being said, I still do short pauses alone on walks, bike rides, or meditating or journaling, and my wife and I love to do get away weekends and mini vacations to new places. They change the way we see the world, they allow us to spend time together exploring new things and places, and these pauses allow a kind of “rebooting” of our inner guidance system.

I miss my wife and our life together when I am gone, and I miss the comfort of my bed and our beautiful life together in a very comfortable house. And I come back with a heart and soul ready to be a more thoughtful and caring person, more reflective, open, and whole hearted.

So my question to you who read this is, how do you pause? When is the last time you engaged in a Purposeful Pause out of your comfort zone, by yourself or with someone special?

How is pausing built into your day, your week, and your years? Think about an adventure or journey you would like to do and do it…the pause that refreshes. For work, for relationships, for health, wealth, love, and happiness, pausing will regenerate purposeful living.

Written by Patrick Williams 

Originally Published by Library of Professional Coaching

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