𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐜𝐤; 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝

As a top performer in her organization, Priya was the go-to person for solving complex problems. Her colleagues admired her work ethic, and her boss often praised her in meetings. But when it came to promotions or recognition for major projects, she often found herself overlooked.

“I don’t get it,” she said during one of our sessions. “I know I’m good at what I do, and I know people like me. But I feel invisible when it really matters. Sometimes I feel like confronting my boss and colleagues but I worry that would ruin the relationships I’ve worked so hard to build.”

Priya’s struggle is one I’ve seen in many brilliant women: the tension between being liked and being seen. She feared that speaking up for her contributions or asserting herself might be perceived as aggressive or self-centered—qualities often unfairly penalized in women, even when celebrated in men.

Her words hit home. Society has long sent women a clear, contradictory message: Desire is fine, as long as it’s quiet. Ambition is acceptable, as long as it doesn’t make anyone uncomfortable. But aggression? That’s forbidden.

Priya expressed her fear of coming across as an ‘angry’ woman if she asserted herself too much. “Anger”, I said to her, “is an emotion whereas aggression is a life force, an energy that propels us into action”.

We explored her fear of assertion together and reframed her perspective. 𝐀𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, I explained, is the integration of 𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲.

– 𝐀𝐠𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 is the energy to advocate for yourself and claim your space. It’s about asserting your value, not diminishing others.
– 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞 is the heart of ambition. What do you deeply care about? For Priya, it was knowing her work mattered and that her potential was being fully recognized.
– 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 is the willingness to take a risk. It’s stepping into discomfort—asking for credit, negotiating for more, or simply saying, “I did this”—even when it feels vulnerable.

As Priya began to practice these skills, her fear of losing affection transformed into clarity about what she truly wanted: respect, not just admiration. She started small—sharing her contributions more openly in meetings and voicing her ambitions with her boss. Over time, she realized that being liked didn’t have to come at the expense of being seen.

Her story is a reminder that ambition isn’t selfish; it’s an act of self-respect. By embracing aggression as a creative force, desire as a guiding light, and bravery as a daily practice, women can redefine what it means to lead with authenticity and strength.

What would it look like for you to embrace these forces in your work or life? Let’s start a conversation.

-Written By Anisha Pandya