Category Archives: Uncategorized

“Bringing IFS into coaching is one of the most exciting and needed applications taking place right now.” – Richard Schwartz, creator of Internal Family Systems

The problem with many coaching models is that coaches are taught to sideline, or even eliminate parts of the psyche, especially if those parts are blocking or resisting progress toward your goals. 

Since parts cannot be eliminated, this type of shaming leaves clients conflicted as they struggle to transform unwanted behaviors. Instead of going to war with your saboteur or marginalizing resistant parts, IFS coaching respects each part and supports whole system alignment so that desired change initiatives and radical authenticity emerge.… Read more

– by Martha Lasley

One of the things we do in an authentic communication group is to interact in the relational space in the present moment. We call this level 4. Let’s look at all four levels of interaction.

Level 1 is chit chat and requires very little listening. We talk about the weather, what we saw on the news, where we went on vacation. This is the opposite of “here and now” and known as “there and then”. There is nothing wrong with level one or any other level. They are not good or bad. Many times, chit chat warms us up so that we can go deeper into the next level  And occasionally we go too deep too fast, and a part finds that unsafe, “takes a flight” back to level one with a joke or some other banter.… Read more

If you’ve ever said or heard something offensive and didn’t know what to do, you are not alone. It’s one thing to recognize insults. It’s another to respond in ways that repair the harm. People may mean well when they say, “I don’t see color.” Or “He’s not a typical gay guy.” Or “What she is trying to say is…”  Many times, they aren’t even aware of how much pain these messages can stimulate. It can be shocking to learn that our positive intentions are experienced as painfully racist, homophobic or sexist.

Below are a few examples of microaggressions, the positive intention of the speaker and the painful impact on the receiver.… Read more

Issues of power and privilege are often invisible to people who have higher rank, but are more visible to people with lower rank. As facilitators we can move groups towards understanding and effectiveness when we can see the dynamics of rank.

What is Rank

Rank is the sum of our power and privilege that arises from social, psychological, contextual, spiritual or cultural norms. Whether conscious or unconscious, earned or inherited, rank determines much of our communication behavior.

Types of Rank

Social Rank

Social rank is based on the values, biases and prejudice of the mainstream, dominant culture and comes with privileges and more opportunities in life.… Read more

Is your life driven by reacting to circumstances and putting out fires, or is it driven by what really matters to you? Do you have a vague sense that there could be more to life or that you could be more excited about what you do?

Every day Bob’s boss asks him to fix another mess, knowing that he will do it well and quickly. He is valued for the service he performs for the company. Yet Bob is miserable and feels lost and unenthusiastic at work. What he really wants to do is the work he was hired to do – write new software programs, work on the edge of innovation, and see that what he creates makes a difference in the efficiency of their customers’ businesses.… Read more

Early retirements, down-sizing and short-term maximization of profits have dire side effects – there aren’t enough middle managers in the wings ready to take the lead. Many companies who face the decision of whether to “make or buy” their next generation of leaders, are finding that there aren’t a lot of ready-made leaders on the market at any price.

According to a McKinsey study, the war for top talent will be fierce, affecting companies and industries new and old. The time for action is now—before top leaders have retired or been recruited away.

Without succession planning, production suffers because key positions take too long to fill, and high-potential candidates often leave the organization.… Read more

Sam and Jeanine have been arguing. Sam wants his staff to be free to use the staff break room whenever they choose. Jeanine wants the break room to be free for her own use. Sam believes that if Jeanine gets her way, his interests will lose out. Of course, Jeanine believes the same. They become locked in conflict. The battle of their wills. Similar scenarios of conflict are not uncommon on the job. Little conflicts can often cause huge rifts that can take months to get cleared out and cleaned up. Worse yet, we simply avoid conflict until it gets so overwhelming that we can no longer ignore it.… Read more

To be aware of your unique qualities and develop them is your gift to the world. You don’t need a character transplant to be comfortable, connected or successful. What you need is to take advantage of who you already are and express your truth in your own way.

Martha Graham says, “There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action. And because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it.”… Read more

Coaching emerged as a way to provide support and guidance for individuals moving through a change process toward greater effectiveness and fulfillment. Coaching is part of the cultural shift from a pathology worldview to a resourceful worldview. In the pathology worldview, problems are identified, evaluated, and solutions are implemented, usually by outside experts. In contrast, coaches work with people from a resourceful point of view—collaborating to explore opportunities and identify resources to create an exciting future based on awareness, choice and action. Coaching is world-changing, as well as life-changing work.

Although coaching is a fast-growing profession, many people confuse coaching with giving people advice.… Read more

The New Year is the traditional time to make commitments. The trouble is we tend to abandon them a week later. Yes, commitments can be scary. We equate the word “committed” with being put behind bars in a mental institution or being boxed in by an organization or a relationship that no longer serves us. We’re afraid of being bound by commitments that no longer fulfill us.

One reason we don’t honor our commitments is because our goals aren’t energizing. Many of us say, “I really should lose weight,” or “I have to reduce my debt.” We get caught up in “shoulds” and “have tos” instead of choosing goals that truly matter – ones we are passionate about.… Read more