Leadership is a quality I’ve always admired. Every parent, teacher, community member or friend that I’ve regarded as a true leader has taught me something very special: We can learn something from everyone we meet.

I have always taken this idea to heart, and it often surprises people to discover that some of the most important teachings I’ve learned have been from my fellow addicts. What’s even more shocking to some is that these are often life lessons we can all benefit from, whether we’ve struggled with addiction or not.

Here are a few important things I’ve learned from brave individuals recovering from addiction that we can all put into practice — not only to help us become better leaders, but to become our absolute best selves.… Read more

Extracting the Learning

We can facilitate learning by helping people reflect on their experience, uncover insights, share their learning, and apply it to their lives. One way to maintain a balance of structure and flow is to loosely follow the five step debriefing process, dancing with the energy, and weaving in spontaneity. This is an opportunity for them to personalize the learning and the application so that it’s relevant.

How do we draw them out? We can create space for slow processors by asking for some silence after the activity. We can expand on what they said, or what’s important about it.… Read more

Leaps of insight, awareness or creativity are spontaneous. When a natural opening presents itself, we can mine the vein of gold. To be in the natural flow, we recognize openings, let go of our agenda, follow our intuition and respond in the moment.

For example, a client says she is sick and tired of the same old same old. Rather than trying to fi nd a solution the same old way, the coach hears that new felt sense, interrupts and acknowledges, “What’s the easy way out of being ‘sick and tired’?”

If we get an image of the client flying, instead of deliberating the pros and cons, we can respond to that moment by saying, “I see you flying,” which may open the client to a whole new way of seeing life.… Read more

Culture plays an integral part in the socialization process by which people learn behaviors, values and beliefs. The goal of socialization is to prepare people to become active functioning members of society.¹ Generally, parents or guardians are the primary agents of socialization,2 providing social norms and order to children;³ however, secondary agents of socialization may include media, authority and educational institutions throughout life. In instances when a child belongs to the dominant group of society, the individual’s socialization process can remain seamlessly aligned— primary and secondary agents of socialization reinforce accepted behaviors, values and beliefs of society.

Latino, Asian, Black or immigrant parents living in the United States face the task of raising children able to survive and prosper in a society that devalues their ethnicity or race.… Read more

There can be no transformation of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion. – Carl Jung

In many cultures people deny their feelings. At home and at work, we’re taught to consider feelings a sign of weakness or neurosis. As a result, some people are proud to keep their emotions under control, and even claim, “I’m not feeling anything,” but the only time we aren’t feeling something is when we are dead. Even if all we can feel is numb, frozen, or still, we always feel something. Connecting to our feelings, just sitting with how we feel, without trying to change it, leads to a radically different awareness of our internal state.… Read more

One of my favorite facilitators, Campbell Plowden tells about relinquishing control and deepening his trust of his co-facilitator as they develop shared leadership:

My early memories of Ken are about his way of being in the group by showing off his intellect. When he talked about his community service in the inmate community, tutoring, teaching chess, and even when he talked about his anger, he was in his head. Inmates saw him as a smart, tough guy who was respectful, but you wouldn’t want to mess with him. I thought he was sincere, but it seemed he was trying to earn his place in the group through bravado.… Read more

Leading a workshop on conflict resolution, I said, “Sometimes people just want to vent. When you give them a chance to be heard, you can actually prevent conflict.”

My co-facilitator gave me a nod of affirmation, “Yes, I’ve seen that happen,” then turned to the participants and said, “and there’s some recent research that shows that venting tends to escalate the conflict. So use your intuition and notice the underlying intention before you encourage venting.”

My partner disagreed with me in front of a group, but with the absence of judgment, few people recognized it as a disagreement. Our opinions differed by about 180 degrees, yet she knew how to express her opposition without stimulating distress in me or others..… Read more

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

The problem with most approaches to organizational development is that people search for the root causes of failure instead of the root causes of success. Using the fire fighter approach to change can be an invigorating experience, but the heroes often become addicted to finding bigger and bigger fires to put out.

Learning what an organization does poorly, doesn’t always reveal the best alternative or get people excited about changing their ways. Appreciative inquiry is a provocative approach to organizational learning and change.

Inquiry into the “art of what’s possible” begins with appreciation, leads to a positive image of the future and inspires collective action.… Read more

When we talk about courage, we almost never point to our heads. We usually point to our chests. The word courage comes from the French word, coeur, for heart, meaning the ability to stand by our heart or to stand by our core. What breaks our hearts or awakens our hearts gives us the courage to act. Becoming aware of what we don’t want points us toward what we do want. 

Courage is about being present. Real. Not faking it. Developing courage means letting go of other’s images of us and boldly showing people our inner world. Instead of fearless posturing, our authentic vulnerability makes us more readily available and people are drawn to our energy.… Read more

If someone else can do the job 70% as well as you can, delegate. When I offer this guideline to leaders, the reaction can be brutal. “Our customers won’t accept 70%!” or “Are you crazy? We’d go out of business in a week.”

Once people start putting this practice to work, it doesn’t take long for them to experience the power of delegation. Nothing builds the capacity of the team faster than a plan for delegation.

A reluctance to delegate insinuates an expectation of incompetence that can leave staff members feeling discouraged. As managers become better at delegating, they hover less and a more trusting environment takes over.… Read more