Author Archives: marthaplasley

We can open our sessions as though we are opening a gift box with a rare gem inside. We hold our own agenda lightly as we tune into the client’s agenda. As coaches, we are not the expert, the problem solver or the one responsible for the results of the session. We don’t have to offer a life-changing piece of wisdom. We don’t have to make them change. All we need to do is witness their exploration. Witnessing becomes a building block for authentic change and empowerment.

We create safe space by including the five elements of trust: reliability, acceptance, openness, straightforwardness and caring.… Read more

Just as an artist gathers brushes, pigments and techniques, coaches have a palette of skills to use with their clients. In Chapter 3 we cover transformational coaching skills, starting with examples of each of the core skills. Then we discuss several aspects of coaching in detail— empowering questions, acknowledging, listening, wisdom of the body, emotions and uncovering the client’s agenda.

Coaching skills help us bring out the best in our clients and give them access to their full power. We can choose from a variety of techniques to help them increase awareness and move toward more satisfaction and fulfillment. Mastering the skills of coaching helps us take clients to the fullest expression of their potential.… Read more

Despite conventional perceptions, coaches don’t give advice. The whole idea is to get people to consider their situation and come to solutions on their own. The path to this understanding starts with curious, empowering questions. Empowering questions are open-ended questions that invite people to ponder, consider, open, notice, discover and awaken. They create insights, “ah-ha” moments and opportunities. Open questions invite engagement and body-mind connection.

Empowering questions typically begin with “What” or “How” and are often simple, intuitive or spontaneous. Questions that begin with “When” can also be empowering when they are not used to satisfy the coach’s desire for information that is extraneous to the client’s agenda.… Read more

Caminante, no hay puentes, se hace puentes al andar. (Voyager, there are no bridges, one builds them as one walks.) —Gloria E. Anzaldúa

Acknowledging the essence of our client, serving as a champion for their aspirations, celebrating their successes and appreciating the value they add are life-serving coaching skills.

Acknowledging the essence

Acknowledging the essence is a heart-to-heart way of seeing our clients. We acknowledge clients by sharing qualities that we see, hear and sense as the essence of the person. We do this to support them in feeling seen authentically at their core.

Examples

As I listen to you talk about speaking your truth at work I am struck by your courage.… Read more

When I “call out the power” with my clients, it brings me into my full power and unconditional love. I discover fearless love within me. I stand strong looking deep into my client’s soul-yearning. I believe in it and call it forth.

We both step into the unknown and discover the magic. It only happens when I operate from a place of deep love and faith in my client’s potential. When I am not in that space (as sometimes happens), I become judgmental, critical or demanding and that’s when I fail. My client struggles and retaliates. I become defensive, until I return to my centre, own up to my failure and restart the relationship.… Read more

To experience the moment we become increasingly comfortable with feelings and emotions. In many cultures, people deny their feelings. At home and at work, people are taught to consider feelings a sign of weakness or neurosis. As a result, many people keep their emotions under control and even claim, “I’m not feeling anything,” but the only time people aren’t feeling something is when they are dead. Even if all they can feel is numb, frozen or still, they always feel something. Helping people connect to their feelings, just sitting with how they feel, without trying to change it, leads them to a radically different awareness of their internal state.… Read more

How do we help clients build awareness of feelings in the moment? Many people are alienated or cut off from their emotional state and struggle to identify their internal reactions. If asked what they’re feeling, they identify their thoughts. Marshall Rosenberg distinguishes feelings from thoughts and asserts that starting a sentence with these words invariably means the speaker is sharing his thinking, not what he is feeling:

I feel that…

I feel you…

I feel as if…

I feel like…

I feel she…

I feel I…

Following the word “feel” immediately with an emotion (internal state) helps people connect. To relieve alienation, you can awaken capacity for experiencing feelings and support emotional awareness by asking:

What’s your internal reaction?… Read more

The exercise that follows is a way to engage people in the process of Envisioning the Future. There are no formulas. Visions are the mysteries within waiting to be born. As coaches, we are the catalysts for awakening, and we do that by paying attention to individual ways of accessing and giving expression to the vision.

Helping clients expand their personal vision becomes a springboard for them to make a more meaningful contribution. Storytelling helps people get in touch with the deeper expression of their visions. As we walk them through the seven simple steps of the Courageous Visions process they become more engaged with their visions.… Read more

The visionary starts with a clean sheet of paper, and re-imagines the world. —Malcolm Gladwell

So often when we start creating, we only build on the information that our mind offers. We can expand the possibilities and increase the engagement of our clients by engaging the right brain in the visioning process.

One of the keys to right brain vision work is to ask clients to set aside all the rules they live by. Allow space to explore without constraints of money, time, relationships, societal norms, internalized beliefs and physical ability. Reassure them they can get practical later in the process.… Read more

On occasion we work with someone who has difficulty dreaming or creating a vision. When we ask empowering questions or attempt to lead them in a visioning exercise, it falls flat.

What can inhibit people from knowing how to dream? When they have no idea what they want for their future, what can we as coaches do to create an environment where dreams and visions can flourish?

First we can raise our awareness and get curious about what prevents people from dreaming or creating a vision. Usually, it’s not because they lack imagination or drive. A few other real examples that have kept people from dreaming:

• After the death of my husband, I couldn’t envision loving anyone new who could die.

… Read more