𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗜 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗦𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗔𝗻𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗿

There was a time in my life when 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗹. Whenever I faced uncertainty—whether it was about my career, a difficult relationship, or even a major life choice—I would panic. And my instinctive response? 𝗧𝘂𝗿𝗻 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱.

When I struggled with a tough professional decision, I listened to someone more experienced.
When I was unsure in relationships, I did what others assured me was the right thing.
When I doubted my instincts, I leaned on those who seemed to have certainty.

Their guidance often solved the immediate problem. But slowly, something deeper began to take root—self-doubt!

Every time I outsourced a decision, I became more disconnected from my own judgment. Every time I acted on someone else’s wisdom, I felt less sure of my own. My anxiety was at an all time high – through therapy I realised that I had no idea what I thought, I had this 𝗴𝗻𝗮𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗼𝘄𝗻.

Then it hit me: 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗮𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴. I was relying on other people’s wisdom, which meant I never built my own.

When things worked out, I credited the advice.
When things didn’t, I blamed myself for not choosing the “right” guidance.
And worst of all, I lost myself.

I was outsourcing my decisions, my risk-taking, my sense of self.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁: 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲

The real shift happened when I started giving myself permission to experiment.

Instead of searching for the perfect answer, I now ask myself:

What do I think makes sense here?
What have I learned from past experiences—successes AND mistakes?
What if I trusted myself just enough to try, even if I don’t know for sure?

It terrifes me even today to make decisions on my own, to think for myself. But as I have started acting on my own understanding, something has started changing.

I obviously get a lot of things wrong – some days I want to dig my head in my pillow and just cry. And yet, I experience something different – a deep sense of emerging confidence which feels real—because Life is shaping up on the basis of my choices, not from following someone else’s roadmap.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗗𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗕𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴

Being taught gives you certainty, but it’s borrowed.
Learning gives you wisdom, because it’s earned.

Being taught keeps you safe.
Learning makes you capable.

That shift—from collecting answers to trusting my own lived experience— is changing everything for me. I still value advice, but now I know the difference between seeking guidance and outsourcing my choices.

Have you ever felt stuck between following advice and trusting yourself? What helped you make the shift?

-Written By Anisha Pandya