“๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ด๐จ๐ถ๐ด๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ.”
“๐ ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ’๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฌ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ.”
“๐๐ง๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐’๐ท๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ช๐ด ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ต๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฆ?”
“๐๐ฏ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ค๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฏ’๐ต ๐ข๐ค๐ต ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด.”
These are the kinds of comments I get when the self-righteous stance prevails in ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ฝ๐.
Two people standing opposite each other, each utterly convinced they are the wronged one.
Each convinced that their anger is justified.
Each waiting for me to at last say, “You’re right. He/she is the issue.”
These statements come from a familiar place: ๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ-๐ฟ๐ถ๐ด๐ต๐๐ฒ๐ผ๐๐ ๐บ๐ถ๐ป๐ฑ๐๐ฒ๐. ๐๐ ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐น๐ ๐ฝ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ณ๐๐นโฆ ๐ฏ๐๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฏ๐๐ถ๐น๐ฑ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐น๐น๐, ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ด๐ฒ๐.
Hereโs why itโs so seductive:
We judge ourselves from the inside โ based on intentions, stress, and private battles.
We judge others from the outside โ based on what they said or did.
This mismatch creates an illusion of moral superiority โ and keeps us stuck
That’s the trap: we give ourselves context but give others mere conclusions. And that unevenness renders us stuck in blame and isolation.
Ever suspect that you’re stuck in a holier-than-thou cycle? Check for these signs:
โค ๐ฌ๐ผ๐ ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฝ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐น๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฑ โ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ ๐ผ๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ผ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ด๐ต๐.
โค ๐ฌ๐ผ๐’๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐๐ด๐๐๐๐ฒ๐ฑ, ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐บ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐น๐ ๐ต๐๐ฟ๐.
โค ๐ฌ๐ผ๐’๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฐ๐๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฑ ๐ถ๐ป๐ฐ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐น๐ โ ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐พ๐๐ถ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฑ, ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฑ, ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐๐ถ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ.
โค ๐ฌ๐ผ๐’๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ท๐๐ฑ๐ด๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ ๐บ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ โ ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐ป ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ผ๐ป๐น๐ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ, ๐๐ถ๐น๐ฒ๐ป๐๐น๐.
With the couples I work with, the shift occurs when someone says, “๐’๐บ ๐๐ถ๐น๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ผ ๐น๐ผ๐ผ๐ธ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ต๐ผ๐ ๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฏ๐๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐.”
That’s not blaming. That’s reclaiming your power to relate.
๐๐ ๐ฎ ๐ฃ๐๐๐ฐ๐ต๐ผ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ถ๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ฝ ๐๐ผ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต, ๐โ๐๐ฒ ๐ณ๐ผ๐๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ ๐ต๐ฒ๐น๐ฝ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐ ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ผ๐บ ๐ฎ ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ-๐ฟ๐ถ๐ด๐ต๐๐ฒ๐ผ๐๐ ๐บ๐ถ๐ป๐ฑ๐๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ฎ๐ป ๐ผ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ป ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ:
โ Pause and ask: What am I protecting โ my dignity, my hurt, my hope?
โ Shift from blame to curiosity: What might be going on for him/her that Iโm not seeing?
โ Journal not just about the conflict โ but about what mattered to you underneath it.
โ Ask yourself: Do I want to be rightโฆ or do I want to be real?
Softening certainty is not weakness โ itโs leadership.
Whether in intimate relationships or professional ones, the courage to drop the armor is what makes repair and growth possible.
What helps you step off the moral high ground and into real connection?
-Written By Anisha Pandya