Vikram joined an advanced process group as a seasoned psychotherapist. Articulate, emotionally attuned, and deeply reflective โ he quickly emerged as a kind of anchor in the group.
Within a few sessions, an unspoken role had formed around him:
He was the wise one.
The one who listened deeply. Who translated chaos into meaning. Who never lost his cool.
Other group members deferred to him in conflict.
Even facilitators looked to him to โmodel vulnerability.โ
And Vikram lived up to it.
Exceptโฆ one day, he didnโt.
A peer challenged something he shared, accusing him of being detached and cryptic.
Vikram froze. Not because he was unsure of his feelings โ but because he didnโt know how to defend himself without breaking his role.
He found himself in a corner, absolutely dejected. Furious, even.
But he smiled, took a breath, and said,
โ๐ ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ๐. ๐ ๐ฎ๐๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒโ๐ ๐๐ฟ๐๐๐ต ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐.โ
Later, in the facilitator check-in, he admitted:
โ๐๐โ๐ ๐ฒ๐
๐ต๐ฎ๐๐๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด. ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ปโ๐ ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐น ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ป ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐บ๐ฒ๐๐๐. ๐ข๐ฟ ๐๐ฟ๐ผ๐ป๐ด. ๐ข๐ฟ ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐ป ๐ท๐๐๐ ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ป๐ฎ๐ฟ๐. ๐โ๐๐ฒ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐ณ๐๐ป๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ด๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ฝ โ ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ผ๐ป.โ
This is the danger of identity in group spaces. It begins as recognition โ and ends as performance.
What Vikram was grappling with wasnโt just feedback. It was the grief of losing a self-image the group had come to rely on โ and that he, too, had clung to.
Because hereโs the truth:
๐น Any identity that cannot tolerate contradiction will eventually break you.
๐น The more tightly you grip your self-image, the more you suffer when life doesnโt align with it.
๐น And in group spaces โ where mirrors are everywhere โ that dissonance can feel unbearable.
Vikram wasnโt just managing group dynamics. He was managing his own image. And that emotional labor was invisible โ even to him.
๐ช๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ณ๐๐ฒ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ธ ๐ด๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐๐ต ๐ถ๐ป ๐ด๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ฝ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐พ๐๐ถ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ป๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ธ๐ถ๐น๐น๐. ๐๐๐ ๐ท๐๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ผ๐ณ๐๐ฒ๐ป, ๐ถ๐โ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ผ๐น๐ฑ ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐๐ถ๐ฒ๐.
Groups don’t just assign roles โ they reward identity performances. And unless weโre conscious, we become complicit in our own erasure.
๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น ๐ถ๐ป๐๐ถ๐บ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ ๐ถ๐ป ๐ด๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ฝ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ด๐ถ๐ป๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐๐ ๐๐๐ผ๐ฝ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ๐บ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ ๐พ๐๐ฒ๐๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป.
So Iโll leave you with this:
โจ Who are you in the groups you belong to?
โจ What would feel threatening to express, because it contradicts that image?
โจ And what might shift โ in you, and in the group โ if you risked being fully seen?
If this stirred something in you, you might want to consider participating in an Authentic Communication Group.
https://lnkd.in/djGQG3Fc Authentic Communication Online Skills Training Program
