Category Archives: Uncategorized

Mary, a woman in her late 30’s, came to coaching with the goal of mastering the ups and downs, the powerful inner currents, that seemed to sweep over her and gain control of her thoughts, feelings and actions. Over the course of our work together, we came to know these inner currents as inner parts, or personalities. There was a crippled school girl, a hard-nosed sergeant, a Buddha, a highly charged wild part, a lusty irresponsible sexual part, among many others. Mary dialogued with each of these parts as they presented themselves and got to know how they hijacked her and what they needed.

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Some days I can feel it. A nasty, physical, emotional and even spiritual feeling of isolation. A thundering silence that surrounds me. A lack of energy that entails passivism – therefore more silence, and an overwhelming feeling of pure isolation. It’s as if I’m alone in this strenuous journey towards a more sustainable society; whatever that might be… Then a day goes by. The phone is ringing again, emails are flowing, friends & colleagues are reaching out and the energy is back. The journey seems effortless once again, “sustainable and thriving society” has a clear meaning to me and I feel blessed for being engaged with so many other human beings.

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An old man walked to a neighboring town and came upon a group of workers carrying heavy stones. He sat down to watch, first seeing a man struggling under the weight of a heavy stone, grunting and having a very hard time with the job. The old man asked him, “What are you doing?” The man replied, “Carrying stones,” and went on with his work.

Then the old man noticed a second worker, carrying a stone much like the stone the first worker carried, but he made the work look easy. This second man was smiling enthusiastically about his work. He asked the second man, “What are you doing?”… Read more

Coaching as a profession attracts deeply compassionate, nurturing people who don’t always know when to bring out the hard edge. Fierce coaching can be a challenge for those naturally drawn to empathy and encouragement. Coaching requires courage, and fierce coaching is a test of that courage.

Instead of avoiding behaviors that feel uncomfortable, we take risks for the sake of our clients. If we step into fierceness and push ourselves, we bring aliveness and deeper trust into the coaching relationship.

Fierce coaching builds on the work of Frank Farrelly, a therapist dissatisfied with his effectiveness, who developed provocative coaching by exploring new procedures for promoting change in chronic and recalcitrant clients.… Read more

When a client voices a disempowering viewpoint, the first step is to separate the viewpoint from the topic. Expanding the View works best when we are crystal clear about the topic the client is exploring. This is a crucial part of the process, so we do not skip this step. Our clients are about to shatter long-held beliefs, so meaningful, clearly-defined topics help them focus.

Starting with the simple examples below, let’s separate the topic from the viewpoint, just like diagramming a sentence. The goal is to separate the topic from the opinion about the topic.

Looking at the topics in the chart, we notice that clients could have any number of possible viewpoints about that topic besides the one they are currently holding.… Read more

Many habitual responses or reflections do not contribute to awareness and learning. By avoiding disempowering responses, we help people gain their own insight and power. The following examples can disempower the people we coach:

Agreeing with judgments: Yes, that guy is obnoxious.

Asking for more information: So she insulted you. Who else was there and what did they say?

Consoling: It wasn’t your fault; anyone else would have done the same thing.

Denying feelings: You shouldn’t feel angry that your boss is exerting power over you. He’s only trying to help.

Disagreeing: How can you say that? She’s so smart!

Educating: I hope you will learn that you have got to be more assertive if you want people to listen to you.… Read more

Last night, as I was sleeping I dreamt-marvelous error! That I had a beehive Here in my heart. And the golden bees Were making white combs And sweet honey From my old failures. —Antonio Machado

The shadow is the unconscious, or hidden parts of the personality. Jung believed, “in spite of its function as a reservoir for human darkness— or perhaps because of this—the shadow is the seat of creativity.”¹ The shadow personifies everything we refuse to acknowledge about ourselves, yet project on others. Robert Bly talks about the shadow as “the long bag we drag behind us.” He refers to all the parts of ourselves that we have hidden away all our lives because they are unacceptable.… Read more

Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. —Carl Jung

An important step in building a coaching practice is establishing a compelling vision. Just as you help clients create visions for their future, do the same for your coaching practice. You may have a good idea of how you envision your practice, who you want to work with and the impact you want to have, but getting it out of your head and onto paper will help you clearly communicate your vision and plan for success. When thinking of your business, consider the following questions:

What dreams do I have for my practice?… Read more

Every workplace has its chronic complainers. You know who they are. They tell you in painstaking detail what’s wrong with every department, every individual, and every decision. They plan their day, their coffee breaks and lunches by drifting from one ear to another honing their ability to pick apart what’s wrong – with the company, with their coworkers, with politics, and with life.

Critics can carry a charged air of toxicity that fosters a sense of hopelessness and despair, but let’s take a look at the value they bring. Noticing what’s missing is a special talent that can lead to new awareness and fresh change.… Read more

Almost everyone has been wounded, physically or emotionally. Our original wounding—the first time we found out that we are not okay—often becomes a driving force in our lives. The first time an innocent child hears, “No!” can be traumatic. Bewildered, the child starts to believe it is flawed or not good enough. Core beliefs become embedded in the psyche, such as, “I don’t matter. I am bad. If I don’t do what people ask, I won’t be loved.” Even people who have had extraordinary parenting and idyllic childhoods usually have a wounded child within.

When a wounded child begins to re-emerge, this is a vulnerable moment.… Read more